We would ride around the city, sometimes the first thing in the morning, high and hopeless. The longstanding objective was to produce music that reflected what we were about (substance abuse, grand ideologies, and fruitlessness), while the daily goal was to manifest the previously stated objective...to include the mindless depravity of women. Years before the current national hip-hop culture deemed it popular to use pharmaceutical drugs (not including Houston or Philadelphia), we were drinking Activis; dramatically slowing down the pace of an already miserable life. We weren't making money illegally nor killing anyone, so we didn't consider our acts to be Satan-inspired. But we were wrong, and a series of events and the revelation we received from those events encouraged us to change. Some of the fruit of these changes have been made public; developing feelings of pride and humbleness simultaneously as I recall our journey. But I would be ignorant not to acknowledge that the crabs that still dwell in the barrel we come from are not celebrating our freedom.
The spirit of hate refuses to limit itself to a yearly salary, a home, a car, or anything material or physical. But with even more passion it despises peace, joy, and reform - especially if all of those items result in following Jesus Christ. See, hate recognizes that as long as the alliance between Christ and the person is there, those items of success will remain. And so in classic enemy form the spirit of hate aligns itself with the friends (the "so-called" ones and the actual ones) and the family and provoke them to label you. When you decide to skip the club, you earn the "All-Holy" tag. Passing on the drinking can get you a fresh "Self-Righteous" badge. And if you get the opportunity to explain why you don't indulge in those acts anymore you might be as fortunate to earn the "Judgmental" Medal (generally only given out to those who are able to accurately back up their decisions with Scripture). Oftentimes, all of these awards come with unwanted loneliness...and even sometimes regret of the outward expression of a fervent life with Christ. And sometimes, tragically, because of being an outcast the die-hard soldier for Jesus...dies.
It hurts when those who knew you and your trauma criticize your effort to live a more abundant life, minus the trauma. And make no secret about it, it's not just the fact of that you are/have changed but it's because Christ is leading it...that breeds the 2,000 year-old hate that will remain until this world ends. Jesus, however, gave encouragement when this happens. Recorded in Matthew 10:22, Jesus says that the world (meaning people who have trusted to conduct their lives according to natural human standards) will hate you if you become a Christian. Why? Because that system of natural human standards hated Him first. These natural human standards have skewed this truth for people of God, as we've been convinced that numbers of men and women around us automatically translate into love...when it very well could mean the exact opposite. Particularly with the truth being compromised for mass approval, the hate for the real Believer will grow. Still, Jesus finishes His thought by reminding us that if you maintain until it's over, you'll be in the clear.
This might seem like the loneliest period of your life, but you must trust that even that loneliness is for your benefit (Romans 8:28). Who knows, your dedication may bring some of those crabs out of that same barrel you were in. But even if it doesn't, understand that your willingness to lose it all will gain you everything...
Peace
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