Spousal Abuse: The Forgotten Marriage Ministry Topic

I believe that when a person is able to remember where they were or what they were doing when a certain event...whether joyous or traumatic...occurs, that it speaks more about the impact that event made on their life that day instead of the magnitude of the event itself.  Although 9/11 was obviously one of the worst days in American history, if you weren't there or had a family member there...it was probably more about how the world looked to you right at the moment when you got the news and how you believed your world would continue.  You knew you changed, even if just a little, because the event was so pivotal, so poignant.  You could've been a foreign student from a U.S. ally on the way back in a couple weeks.  It still changed you.  It was that important.  I'd be interested to know how many Christians, Christian leaders mores specifically, will remember where they were when they heard gospel music icon James Fortune plead guilty to assaulting his wife.

I wonder if the news story, a familiar line for Fortune (in 2002 he plead guilty to assaulting his son with scalding hot water), was jolting enough to generate that type of memory...that type of attention to detail...that "what in the world is going on" type of feeling.  I wonder if ministers and preachers took the opportunity to reinforce the biblical facts that are diametrically opposed to any type of spousal abuse during their sermons.  I wonder if the marriage small group ministries around the country will engage each other about anger and the expression of it towards a wife or a husband.  I wonder if the leaders who hold their annual marriage conferences will even look at the topic.  And then I wonder why hasn't much of this been done already.

Of all the taboo subjects that the American Christian community has, spousal abuse has to be the most forbidden of them all.  Usually, the subject is skimmed over with comments like "and love doesn't mean go upside her head" or "you protect her, no hurt her."  But no real conversation about prevention and spiritual treatment for both parties.  Even the church I attend, that's very well respected and led and has a few thriving marriage small groups; there isn't a real component that deals with abuse.  There aren't many groups that are visually promoting for an abused woman or man or an abuser to go to, be welcomed, and be counseled.  Now, I'm not saying that this isn't going on in a more private way for many churches, including mine.  But if that is the case, why?

Why is it common place to have groups in the church that will openly discuss teenagers with sexual identity issues...which is a choice they are making, and not the obvious knowledge of groups that will talk about abused spouses...which is a situation no one chooses to be in?  How is it that Christian marriage counseling is much more known for combating financial hardship, sexual disconnection, and infidelity...but not violence?  Are we saying that the threat of violence is so small because we assume with Believing marriage partners that it's not necessary?  Do we understand Satan's attacks to be limited to only communication, money and side chicks?  Is it so unfathomable that a Holy Ghost-filled man or a woman can get so upset with their spouse that they violently and repeatedly strike her or him?  Or is this one of those things we're just gonna pray away?  That we just will believe God for healing in that situation.  With everything associated with the increase of money we have groomed millions of follows to proceed with an action that usually requires giving money to a church.  What's the action to reduce and eliminate the threat of attacks in the marriage?

This could be the father of two girls in me talking, but I dread to believe that if one of my daughters gets in a relationship that her boyfriend or husband attacks her, that there aren't people in my church and the Church that aren't organized, aren't willing, and aren't ready to help.  This type of absence of service not only is the reason why people search for worldly counsel, but it also speaks to why the validity of church offered programs is often met with skepticism.  If healing, all healing is in the body of Christ, through the Holy Spirit, as given by the Father; I have a difficult time understanding why this form of healing is shunned.     

I challenge all ministry leaders to investigate the part that you play in preventing spousal abuse.  In this challenge, I won't accept "we're just gonna pray through it," because you don't address the new addition to the building that way.  I also won't accept "our ministry doesn't have a need for that" as that would be a lie.  In fact, if you believe your ministry and its couples aren't susceptible to spousal violence then your role as a leader should be examined.  Millions of women are depending on you to allow them to express the warning signs, the aggressive tones, and the violent tendencies that they face in their homes.  They're believing that you will be so compassionate that you'll invite them over to your home where they can be loved and they can create a plan of action...or escape.  And yes, they need you to pray for them...as you very well may be the answer to their prayer, which more than likely will include an action to reach out.  Consider...how does your ministry, do you, help prevent a James Fortune, or help heal a Mrs. Fortune. 

Peace