Yo, you want to know if your friend is really your friend? If your so called brother-from-another-mother is really "related" to you? Do you want to test the grade of your relationship or marriage? Then wait until you wrong that person. Better yet, take notice of your actions when they wrong you. After that experience(s) you may have a pretty good idea on where you and your people stand and if you are as tight as you say you are when it's all gravy.
I have a childhood friend that did some federal time a couple years ago; the climax of attempting to take short cuts to reach the pot of gold like so many of us have done. I remember a mutual friend of ours calling me right as I walked out of my place of employment and telling me not to go by his business (a usually hang out spot for me after a tense day dealing with customers). Ironically, I was on the way there, but the moment she mumbled, "...was raided", I was quickly convinced to make a U-turn. Stunned as I was, I went back home totally oblivious to why this would've occurred. We all knew workers, but I didn't think he was still one. Some days later, his nervousness of the situation let him spill some statements that I felt damaged my credibility and character. Needless to say I was itching to clear the air, but my brother-from-another-mother was dodging me. Soon, my own judgment began to loosen; and I used a couple tips from some sideliners to locate a phone number. As soon as he picked up, I commenced tongue lashing. He took it for a few minutes and then hung up in my face. Some weeks later he was sentenced and went on his vacation. Another friend was able to get me his address and I wrote him, still a little warm about the ordeal. When he wrote me back, he hit me with a heart tugging letter that is summarized with this statement: you didn't do anything wrong, I was trippin', please forgive me because I forgive you.
A very manly thing to do in an era where forgiveness isn't testosterone fueled enough to do by most of us; and a very Christian thing to do from a cat who wasn't a Believer at the time. As a matter of fact, the way he forgave me and the way forgiveness is taught (or at least learned) in the Christian community is sharply different. Often I hear people spewing "vengeance is mine" after being offended (given their view of a situation); with a disposition that implies God's "got my back" and He will get at the person who did the wrong. I've even heard preachers teach that you (the word 'you' used relatively) should always forgive so you can receive your [desired] blessing. While that is most certainly true (not necessarily the desired part), the interpretation of these scriptures sometimes can send the wrong message about forgiveness.
The 'vengeance is mine' piece comes out of Romans 12:17, and Paul continues the theme out to verse 20, which gives another popular forgiveness quote. Paul's assessment of forgiveness is true, but in the self-serving nature of American Christianity the intent of forgiveness gets skewed. Yet we see in Matthew 18:21-22 that Jesus advises John to forgive a man every time he offends him. To me, what seems to be evident is that Jesus' statement here does not imply that John should expect anything in return; aside from God forgiving him. With that, John should certainly not wait on edge for God to strike the offending person down on his behalf. If John were to do that, then that leaves some question about John's purpose of reconciliation.
We must be careful with sayings such as "God is on my side" and "He's got my back" because they can be selfish in nature. The point that helps us accurately scrutinize those cliches is clearly described in Joshua 5:13-14. On the way to Jericho, the young warrior who was unquestionably zealous for God's cause of conquest, aggressively asked an armed bystander his intentions toward him and his troops. This, however, was no bystander--but a messenger (angel) of the Lord. Interestingly enough, when Joshua realized who this figure was, he didn't say "great, that means you're with us!" No, he humbled himself and asked the messenger what God would have him do. We see that the intent of Joshua was not to elevate himself for a reason that he knew was from God's instructions, but to always be in submission of the Lord's commands.
This same principle applies to forgiveness as the key factor in this act is humbleness. Yes forgiving people can allow God's mercy to continue consistently and noticeably in your life. And no doubt forgiving and helping your enemy will "heap burning coals on his head" (Romans 12:20). But if your goal is to receive a reward for forgiveness or to bring some extra weaponry to your offender then you've missed the whole point--and you really didn't forgive; instead, you are operating in hypocrisy. Remember, God cannot be mocked.
Keep in mind that Jesus' willingness to die was purely to erase the track of the sins we committed. So if you are a Believer and you're looking for a blessing after you've forgiven someone, you already have it.
Peace
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