Even the evangelist ain't the same no more. Well, at least the popular one. What used to be a brutally honest, experienced, and passionate person has turned into a sheltered, made-for-TV personality. It may seem that I'm generalizing a bit, or a lot, but wouldn't it be nice to have one of those ministers come to you and say "I haven't arrived at all, I'm striving to get better"? I mean, the premier evangelist Paul described it; being unable to walk consistently in the fullness of his Devine calling because of sin (Romans 7:14-20). Yet today, we here more 'been there, done that' than 'still here, doing that' when the later statement may be more of the truth. Now this could be because when a Christian minister of any kind eludes to still struggling, the human mind immediately gravitates to assumptions of sins involving substance abuse or immoral sex. But it's very possible that the man or woman of God could be struggling with something not is socially vile but equally as devastating...such as not paying attention to God's specific instruction...which almost always births a great chance to sin. Here's one of mine...
Some of you know about my dabbling in spoken word, and some more of you may know I haven't performed in a while. So when a friend of ours called me for an opportunity to do so I immediately let her know I was down. My first thought was charged with the excitement to be on the stage again. My second thought was being grateful for proclaiming Christ. And shamefully, my last thought was asking for the Lord's wisdom in this situation; something I didn't do.
For the first time ever, I practice-ran through the works in our living room with ease. My wife peaked around the corner beaming pridefully, I subsequently had my pow-wow praise session, I was on. I even prayed in the Spirit from eastern Henrico all the way to the Chamberlayne Parkway exit. That's when I heard, "pearls to swine (Matthew 7:6)". But me, being who I was at that moment, ignored it.
I pulled up on Clay and instantly began having memories of a past time of my life where ignorance dominated. Then I walked through the door of the establishment and again heard "pearls to swine." But still, I blew it off. I was fully convinced I was on a mission for Christ, when I didn't even ask Christ if I was supposed to be here. I sat at the bar drinking water with all types of humor and calamity around me, but was ready as ever while "pearls to swine" kept beating in my head. The entire operation was completely unorganized and unprofessional even for a hip-hop artist. Then, as I was readying myself to do my thang, the DJ said...welcome to the Thursday night comedy show. Needless to say I dipped; a little frustrated with some other uneasy feelings. I felt like I punked out or even worse that I let God down. Honestly a part of me still feels that way; which presents the bigger problem.
See, one thing we cats who like to spread God's word have an issue with is understanding when and when not to speak or act. We believe that we are supposed to be on constant minster mode, and in a sense we are. But that doesn't mean that our mouth has to be open to do it whenever we feel the desire to. This is not at all implying that we shouldn't be eager to spread the Gospel. However, it is our submission to the direction of the Holy Spirit that produces the intended, perfect result. Remember, we have be willing to allow the Spirit to tell us when to talk, move, and all that entails ministry (John 15:26). Without that guidance, we can be immersed in our talent or gift and operate in reckless pride instead of spiritual obedience. Maybe I was completely out of line from the beginning...or maybe I was nervous and not ready like I thought I was. Regardless of the reason, because I didn't consult with Him first, I only have a bitter lesson to glean from.
Still working out the kinks...
Peace
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